"My Why" Wednesday - Rebecca (Caity)

(My Why) Wednesday

WHO: Rebecca

WHAT: Starting over in a small town

WHERE: Marionville

WHEN: 2023

WHY…..

I must admit, this story is about my daughter. Not by birth, mind you but by marriage and I love her as my own. If I sound a little biased, I probably am but I’m not biased about her talent or her skills as a mother. She is a gem….

So, what happens when everything you thought you knew about life, marriage and the future changes in an instant? You fall down, you cry and maybe you scream, but there will come a time when you dream of your own back porch, drinking coffee and eating marmalade toast on a Sunday morning. That was my dream when I ended up going through a divorce of my own and over the course of several months I would repeat this mantra to Rebecca whenever things got really stressful. Marmalade toast, marmalade toast…..

A few facts.

In 2021, a total of 689,308 divorces occurred across the 45 U.S. states that report this statistics. That means that just about half of all marriages end in divorce. It also means that both people have to make decisions about division of property, bank accounts, debt, child support and more, all while navigating the possible rancor and emotional turmoil of divorce. It can be extremely stressful, especially if you are taken by surprise.

Can you buy a home while in the midst of a divorce? Yes you can, but you will need professional help from a team of people that understand the underlying laws of the state you reside in. Missouri is an “equitable distribution” state. The judge will only divide marital property in an equitable, but not necessarily equal, way. One spouse could get a bigger share of the marital assets than the other as long as the distribution is reasonable and fair if the couple cannot reach an agreement between themselves.

What happens if you already own a home together? What if one partner has more debt than the other? What about incurred debt that hasn’t been disclosed to the other partner? All of these things are common when getting a divorce.

When you marry in the state of MIssouri, debt and assets are considered to be owed and owned by both partners. This can make it difficult when trying to move forward and especially when trying to buy a home before the divorce is final.

Steps to take when purchasing a home while separated.

1. Talk to an attorney.

Purchasing a home while married but separated is complicated. Having a knowledgeable divorce attorney on your side can keep your new house from being a contested property.

2. Find an experienced real estate agent.

Finding an experienced agent is invaluable. Look for one who understands your situation and the house you’re looking for. They are going to guide you through the process and they will need to work closely with your lender, the other agent, possibly your soon to be ex-spouse, inspectors and the title company.

3. Find an experienced lender.

I can’t express enough how important it is to find an experienced lender. They will be navigating through all of your finances, trying to find a clear path for your home loan and trust me, it can be really messy, so find someone that truly cares about getting you from Point A to Point B, because they are going to work hard to get you to closing.

Now back to the story….

When I got the call from Rebecca, she was heartbroken. Beyond the emotional turmoil she felt at a life that was changing and out of her control, was her love and concern for her children. They had started school in the small community of Marionville and had just made friends, after moving from Springfield about a year earlier. She didn’t want to move them again and so she needed to find something affordable in Marionville. Rebecca, her father and I all scoured the listings looking for the perfect home. It popped up about two weeks later. It was an adorable 1930’s bungalow that had been remodeled, had a wonderful back porch, and a large fenced yard. It was perfect!

The house was close enough for her youngest daughter to walk to school, but the bus passed right by the house, so both kids could ride the bus with friends. I sent the listing to Rebecca and asked her thoughts. She loved it! We made an appointment to look at it within the hour. I also had her contact Adam Godby at Paddio to see if we could get a pre-approval letter. Adam is the best person I know to handle a difficult situation. He got our pre-approval letter and we sent the offer over with a short note to the agent explaining how much it would mean to keep the kids in their current school and that we loved the home. I was thrilled when we got the call from the agent letting us know that they had accepted our offer. I called Rebecca to tell her we were one step closer to marmalade toast and coffee on the back porch.

We had our inspection and had a few things we asked for from the seller. The seller looked at our Inspection Report and fixed not only the things we asked for but all of the things on the list. We had nothing but kindness from the listing agent to the seller and beyond.

Behind the scene, our lender was working hard to get Rebecca through the finance process. There was division of debt, marital waivers, refinancing of their property and more. It was a complicated loan but Adam got us to close in record time.

The day the sellers handed Rebecca the keys to her new home was a day I’ll never forget. It had been quite a journey and yes, there was marmalade jam and coffee at the end of the road.

It’s been a year now and things are looking pretty bright. It’s hard starting over. I know that all too well, but I’ve found that life somehow knows what’s best for us, even when we can’t see it at the moment. It makes me happy to see pictures of the girls thriving in their new home and it especially makes me happy to see Rebecca’s smiling face.

Rebecca is an award winning graphic designer, artist and photographer for the Springfield Business Journal. She has written a children’s book for her daughter, designed the logo and T-shirt design for Earth Day along with other wonderful projects she has been involved in. Here are a few examples of her work.